The Junk in My Trunk

The other day, as I was leaving the bank, a girl slapped the trunk of my car.

I can only assume that it was out of frustration since I was blocking part of the sidewalk.  But that’s just it, PART of the sidewalk.  The entrance to the parking lot of my bank is nestled between a pizzeria and a brick retaining wall, so you have to pull forward to be able to see beyond the cars parked on the street near the entrance.  That’s what I did and apparently that meant that I was in this woman’s way.

But her automotive ass-slap left me thinking about whether I’m the kind of guy who accepts things as they are, or is constantly frustrated that things aren’t the way they’re supposed to be.  My guess is that this woman is the latter.

So yeah, my trunk was sticking part of the way into the sidewalk.  There was plenty of room to go around, if you were a compassionate, understanding person walking down the street with the wherewithal to realize the plight of the average bank-goer.  But if you’re the easily frustrated, I-always-get-my-way type, who goes around saying, “technically…” or “legally…” then maybe you’d think it was a good idea to put your hands on another man’s car.

The question becomes, Am I the kind of guy who stays in the moment, accepts what is happening right in front of me, and deals with it accordingly, and remains a happier, more peaceful person because of it?  Or am I always trying to fit the world around me into this little box labeled “how things should be,” and therefore in a perpetual state of irritation with a world where I’m not the boss of everything.

The Taoists believe in Wu Wei, a concept that is usually translated as: Action/Non-action, or acting without acting.  The idea is that we’re natural beings and the way to harmonize with nature is to not want a desired outcome, but to behave in our lives as effortlessly as possible; to take the path of least resistance.  The philosophy behind many martial arts is not to meet force with force, but to accept the oncoming force and turn it around, effectively dissipating the opponents energy or using their great effort against themselves, because within their own effort is their own defeat.

Bruce Lee often talked about being like water.  Water flows naturally to the lowest point, and in a stream will often meet obstacles like rocks or trees.  The water doesn’t work to break through these obstacles, but simply goes around them, effortlessly, trusting in gravity to direct its flow.  And yet, over time, water has the power to erode, to break down, or even polish the roughness of some of those obstacles.  So even within this effortless flow there is still great power.

But at the end of the day, the sidewalk doesn’t belong to you, lady.  Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I threw the car in park, got out and confronted that woman.  It’s easy to ignore the human side of things when you are so focused on getting your way.  Unless she has some uncontrollable sexual attraction to cars and just happened to think mine has a great ass.  Yeah, that’s possible too.

When was the last time you played?

As I douse myself with antibacterial hand sanitizer, I can’t help but smile at all the cute kids at the Halloween costume contest at the Mall.  Ok, so escorting the big shrimp isn’t the most glamorous job in the world, but every once in a while you get to remember what it was like to be a kid.  Today was one of those days.

There was a woman, who I later found out was Grandma, standing in line to register for the costume contest with her toddler.  I’d guess 2-3 years old.  Pacifier in mouth (the kid, not the grandma).  I walked up holding a sticker out for him and said, “Hey Spiderman, do you want a sticker?”  And Grandma promptly answered, “He doesn’t talk yet.”  Thanks, Grandma, The pacifier was a big hint.  I bet your grandson isn’t, in fact, Spiderman either.

I’ve always wanted to have a kid, and I didn’t really know why until today.  Yeah, kids are disarmingly cute and they have unbelievable imaginations and you can mold and shape them into little versions of yourself.  Perhaps even cooler versions of yourself, if that’s possible.  But that’s not why I want to have a kid someday.  I want to have a kid because they give you a whole different perspective on life.

As a dude in his 30s (yeesh), I know I have responsibilities.  There are rules to follow, and a lot of that boils down to one word: Fear.  Fear of what people will think, fear of losing everything I’ve built up, fear of failure, fear of looking foolish.  You probably won’t be surprised at how many adults turn down the stickers I hand out, while this one sticker seems to make their kid’s day.  The stakes are high for us grownups.  But when was the last time you played?  I mean, yes, we all have responsibilities to attend to, but why can’t we do both?  Why does being an adult mean that we have to abandon the joy of life that being a kid brings?

Kids remind us that we all have the capacity to believe, to love unconditionally, and to live for each moment.  They’re not trying to win some prize or tell themselves “I’ll be happy when…”  Their mere presence in a room changes the energy of that room completely.  Something innocent and pure; they wear their emotions on their sleeves, along with the requisite amount of mucus.  Their joys and their sadnesses are fully expressed, they don’t get self conscious or try to hide their feelings for anyone else’s benefit.  They just are who they are.

I think I have a lot to learn from kids.  There’s a part of me that’s yearning to remember what it was like, and one of the few ways to do that is to be around them every day.  To be invited to play and be silly.  To give myself the permission to smile and laugh as boldly and completely as I feel.  And to let my life be affected, changed by someone else.  Maybe even someone cooler than me.

Speaking of playing:

She said. He said.

She said she didn’t want to get married.  He said he wasn’t asking, and that he probably wouldn’t ask on a first date.

She said relationships are about experiencing things together and, once she was done doing that with him, she would simply move on.

She said that the only way for people to stay compatible is to stop changing.  He said, “What if they change together?”

She said she was a free spirit and didn’t want to be tied down.  He said that free spirits do what they want to do, and it seemed like She really didn’t want to be with him.

She said that, technically, they weren’t boyfriend/girlfriend when she kissed that other guy.  He said that that kiss broke his heart.

She said it was just a kiss.  He said when He and She are together, they don’t do more than “just” kiss, and he wondered what the difference was.

She said She didn’t want any contact with him when She was on vacation for a month because she needed “time alone.”  She emailed him within a week.

She said She didn’t want to be with the other, other guy cuz he smokes pot, drinks, and cheats on his girlfriend.  He was told that people were surprised to hear She had a boyfriend, cuz She was really cuddly with that other, other guy.

She said that She tells all her friends that she loves them.  He said he thought he was more than just one of her other friends.

She said she wanted to work on things.  She also said that she was busy.  And tired.  And didn’t have time.

She said she liked him because he made her feel like it would be okay for her to take off to New Guinea, alone, for a few months.  He said he hoped she would want him to come along.

She said, “What am I gonna do when you’re out of town for a month?!”  He said, “Congrats on the job that’s taking you out of town for 4 months.  And is keeping you out of town for another 3 months.  Then the other job you have lined up that will be another 5 months.  I want to be supportive, but this is gonna be hard.”

She said, “why can’t we just have peace and love?”  He said that all he wanted was for her to acknowledge that there was some stress in their relationship because of the distance.

She said that if he didn’t want to be in a long distance relationship, he shouldn’t date actresses.

She said that She needed to go to bed cuz She had a long day, has to be up early for a 14 hour workday, and can barely keep her eyes open, but “is everything ok with us?”

She said She can’t win with him.  He said it was because She was trying to win.

She said it was her birthday curse.  Her birthday was a month and a half away.

She said relationships are about experiencing things together and, once she was done doing that with him, she would simply move on.  He said it sounds like she already had.

Family Values

Bristol Palin, daughter of Sarah Palin, had a child out of wedlock.

Sarah Palin thinks abstinence-only sex ed works.

Hm.

Harrison Bachmann, son of Michele Bachmann, has joined the Teach for America program, which is a member of the Americorps program.

Michelle Bachman was quoted as saying: “It’s paying people to do work on behalf of government. There are provisions for what I would call re-education camps for young people, where young people get trained in the philosophy the government puts forward and then they have to go work in these politically correct forums.  As a parent, I would have a very, very difficult time seeing my children do this.”

Well, my heart goes out to Rep. Bachmann during what is, I’m sure, a very trying time for her and her family.  Re-education camps, as we know from our Vietnam War unit in high school history class, were camps where captured south Vietnamese (pro-democracy) former military were brought to be tortured at the end of the Vietnam war.  There, the north Vietnamese soldiers would take their revenge, claiming that this would indoctrinate the south Vietnamese prisoners into the Communist ideology.  Let’s hope that that’s not what Rep. Bachmann meant when she compared re-education camps to progams like Teach for America.

We’ve all heard it, the Republican party is the “family values” party.  I respect that.  I have family values and I live family values.  So what does it say when the children of these family values hardliners don’t share their parents’ family values?

10 Things I’ve Learned After a Month in Chicago

[note:  This is a post that I started after my month in Chicago, May '09.  I thought I'd posted it already, but apparently I hadn't]

The bus system here is better than the train system.

Chicago is not so much with the independent coffeehouses.  Mostly Starbucks, some Caribou.

I don’t walk enough.

BYOB Restaurants:  They sound exactly like what they are.  Go to the liquor store, buy your favorite booze, and bring it in to the restaurant to have with your meal.  I’ve even have servers suggest that I go to the store even after I’ve sat down.  I don’t really know why since I’m not buying from them and thus will not be tipping them any better.  People here really like to drink.

People think Minneapolis is cold.  But since I’ve been here, the amount of rainy, cold, windy days make me miss the warm Minneapolis weather.

There are  flowers that smell like semen.  They line the entryway to my bldg.

It seems as though people here are more apt to just strike up a conversation with a stranger.  It makes a bigger city seem a bit warmer than the standoffish Twin Cities.

Even though people say that it rains a lot in Seattle, it really doesn’t rain the way it rains in the midwest.  Apparently in Seattle, it’s more of a mist.  According to another cast member who’s from Seattle, “This is CRAZY!”

You can’t find a Totino’s Party Pizza in any grocery store (at least not in the ones I’ve been in).  Pizza Rolls, yes.  I think Chicagoans have a snobbery about their deep dish.

True Cubs fans don’t need the jersey, hat and accompanying paraphernalia.  True Cubs fans are there to watch the game.  If you’re there to get wasted with your buddies, you’re just a fan of beer.

Farewell, my twenties

Now that my 20s are officially over, here are some of the highlights:

20 (1999) This was the year I went to China.  It was definitely one of those tent-pole events in my life.

21 (2000) Got my first paying gig as an actor.

• Haroun and the Sea of Stories

22 (2001) Graduated from college and got my first job.

• Song for a Nisei Fisherman

23 (2002) Moved into Uptown.  Worked at the Ordway with Sandy Duncan.

• Cowbird
• Anything Goes

24 (2003) The Non-Profit I worked for lost its funding.  Told myself that if I couldn’t find another job I’d become an actor.  Moved in with a girlfriend for the first time.  Worked at the Guthrie while closing home mortgages for Wells Fargo as a temp.

• Pride & Prejudice
• Cradle Will Rock

25 (2004) I was naked in 2 shows this year.  This was the Year of Nudity and Shows about Vietnam.

• Bill of (W)Rights
• HAiR
• Miss Saigon
• Monkey King

26 (2005) Joined Actors Equity Association.  Shot a Subway Commercial.  Tried to move to NYC.  Racked up some debt and moved back when West Side Story called.

• Awesome 80s Prom
• West Side Story

27 (2006) Closed West Side Story.  Tried working at Monte Carlo, but gave that up to become a manager at Hollister.  That only lasted about a month before I went back to “full time actor.”

28 (2007) Broke up with what’s-her-name and went to California.  I had to relearn that I’m a good guy and that I actually have a life.  This was the beginning of the Year of the Mexican.

• Pajama Game
• Cowboy Versus Samurai
• Salsalandia
• The Seven

29 (2008)  Reacclimated myself to Minneapolis and moved in with Johnny Z.  There was a lot of Man-Love this year.  Shot a Rasmussen College Commercial.

• Altar Boyz

Things I’ve Learned After Doing a 3M Photoshoot

1. Napping is essential.

2. There is a distinct difference between a Model and an Actor.

3. 3M products don’t make me smile on their own, but apparently it looks good in pictures.

4. I am not a contortionist.

5. ALWAYS wear your safety goggles.

6. Just because you feel like an idiot doesn’t necessarily mean you look like an idiot.

7. I am not cut out to be a maintenance man.

8. Some people don’t really care what you’re thinking about as long as you’re smiling.

That is all.

You can take the Filipino out of the Ghetto…

Yo.  I ain’t stupid, aiiight?  All I’m sayin’ is don’t be tryin’ to play me unless you want this boot up yo ass.  I just want you to know that I’m quicker than you think I am.  Me and my gut do just fine.  I listen to it and it don’t never leave me hangin’.  So you gonna have to get by bouf of us.  For reals.

Straight up, I’m like Mutha Fuckin’ Chuck Wollery ‘n’ shit:  I put two ‘n’ two together.  My deductive reasoning is like Sherlock Holmes’, son.  Sherlock Mutha-Fuckin Holmes.  So unless you want the Filipino Jack Bauer up in yo’ grill, you best step back.  STEP. BACK.   Feel me?

Don’t sleep on this level of mental comprehension fo’ I get all ricey on you, brah.

You heard me.

“The best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain,” -Longfellow

It’s raining today.

As I drove down Hennepin Av to the tea place, I saw this person in a parked car open their door just enough to shove their umbrella through. The door closed on the umbrella before it could open and the person struggled with it, trying to find a way to free up the umbrella without opening the door the whole way.

When I was little, the whole topic of Acid Rain came up. I always imagined it like the plagues in the Ten Commandments where Yul Brynner is the BA Pharaoh standing out on the balcony when the hail falls and starts burning stuff. I thought Acid Rain was gonna fall from the sky and start dissolving buildings an burning holes in people clothes.

I can understand it to a point. You don’t wanna get wet, that’s fine. You might catch cold. After all, Zuzu caught a cold just because she walked home without buttoning up her coat. So I get it. I don’t like wet socks cuz that often means cold wet feet. But barring some highly acidic rain burning a hole in your skull, the rain’s not so bad, is it? Is it really worth spending the extra time struggling with your umbrella against your car door instead of just opening the door and risking getting hit with a few droplets of water? You don’t see too many woodland creatures fashioning umbrellas from maple leaves, do you?

Rain is a necessity. Plants get greener, dust and dirt washes away. It’s like a baptism. In the bible, the Acts of the Apostles talks about baptism as washing away one’s sins. A renewing of life.

Thich Nhat Hahn’s book Living Buddha, Living Christ talks about a farmer who prays for rain while some picnickers who pray for a sunny day. The question becomes: who’s prayer does god answer? Does god value one over another? People, myself included, seem disappointed when it’s rainy. Rain is talked about as something that ruins outdoor plans. Then the drought hits and people start talking about how we need rain. It cools things down, it becomes a welcome change, a break in the tedium of the ordinary.

Is it simply wanting what we can’t have? How can we learn to appreciate the balance of the natural world without waiting until the situation is dire?

Looks like I’ve taken the off ramp to tangent-town.

What I’ve been wondering is: Do we make our lives more difficult by struggling against the natural flow of things? Obviously, this person in their car could have been out and on their way if they weren’t so worried about getting hit with a few drops of water before they opened their umbrella. Maybe the 10 seconds it took didn’t really matter that much to them. But for my money, the rain drops on my clothes will eventually dry and I’ll be 10 seconds ahead of schedule. It’s a small thing, but things add up. Sometimes accepting the way the world works means getting out of our own way, releasing our kung fu grip on what we might want, and allowing life to happen.

21 Revisited

Click here for an article on the “whiteout” that is 21.