Practicing Catholicism

Sorry I’ve been MIA lately, kids.  I got hit with a pretty considerable Holiday Hangover, both mentally and economically.  You’d think that would mean I’m spending more time at home in front of my computer, but I’ve also discovered online video games (thanks to my roommate) and have been wasting many hours killing zombies and blowing up spaceships.

I got interviewed for The Catholic Spirit (the official newspaper for the Archdiocese of St. Paul/Mpls) a while back, to get a perspective on the show I’m currently performing, Altar Boyz.  It was pretty straight forward, nothing different from what I would expect from a Catholic newspaper.  But now that all the Holiday-related shenanigans are over, I’ve had some time to step back and think about it, well, one question in particular.

“I would like to know if you are still a practicing Catholic?”

Before we go any further, Alex Trebek would like to remind you to phrase your question in the form of a question, but I digress.  While I was looking at online responses to the reviews of our show, I came across a blog written by a woman who apparently is a very traditional Catholic.  She decided that based on the reviews, she wanted to publicly denounce the show, and the theater for producing it.  She insinuated that there are disgruntled “former Catholics” in the theater world who are hell-bent on taking down the Church brick by brick.

So am I still a practicing Catholic?

Well, if you’re asking, do I still go to church? The quick answer is no.  But does that mean that after attending a parochial grade school, Catholic high school, and a Catholic college, that I don’t practice Catholicism?  This is one of those things that, in my opinion, is one of the reasons people of my generation (and the generations to follow) are growing more and more disillusioned with the idea of organized religion.  Could I be a promiscuous, drug-dealing, serial killer that drop-kicks baby harp seals just for the fun of it, and still make it to weekly mass–just so I could go around saying that I’m a practicing Catholic?  When I was a little kid, some non-Catholic friends told me that Catholics can do whatever they want as long as they go to confession.  I don’t believe that’s true.

Nor do I believe that going to church is what makes someone a person of faith.

A professor of mine in college, a monk, once said that there is more diversity within the Catholic church than there is between Catholics and other denominations.  I don’t know why that stuck with me, but I do know that when I think about what Catholics are said to believe, I disagree with a lot of things.  When a friend of mine was getting confirmed, she told me that she was having second thoughts about her confirmation because there is so much she disagrees with.  I told her that the only way to change something is to engage it.  Walking away from the Church doesn’t help it change.  It needs to change from within.

According to the Dictionary program on my computer, catholic is an adjective that means “including a wide variety of things, all-embracing.”  The Thesaurus lists Universal, Diverse, Broad, Comprehensive, Liberal, All-encompassing and All-inclusive as it’s synonyms.

So am I still a practicing catholic?  Of course.  I practice open-mindedness,  I honor pluralism and diversity.  I just wish that other Catholics realized that that’s the foundation of our faith.

In the immortal words of George Michael…

I don’t consider myself a highly religious person per se, but I have always had a strong sense of faith.  All that “everything works out for the best” kinda thinking, or even the age old “everything happens for a reason.”  I’m working on a show right now that’s all about faith.  Not so much about faith in the religious sense, although that’s there too, but more pointedly about having faith in the people in your inner circle.

Anyone who has been around me the last few weeks has undoubtedly heard me say, “I’m really broke right now.”  Not a particularly uncommon phrase in the world of an actor, but this is the longest streak that I’ve been relegated to gas station hot dogs and mysteriously old canned or dried food from my pantry.  I haven’t seen a busy day at the BGSC all summer (which is when it’s supposed to be busy), I was supposed to teach a handful of classes that ended up getting canceled.  Ok, so we all know that the economy is floating around in the septic tank, so I shouldn’t need to underline my point.  I had to borrow money from my parents to cover my rent for next month because I don’t get paid at the theater until 2 days after my rent is due.  And lemme just say that I HATE borrowing money from my parents.  Not only did they do more than raise an eyebrow at the prospect of me becoming an actor (read: poor), but I just feel that I haven’t exhibited the best discipline when it comes to my bank account lately.

Add that to the stress of learning a 90 minute show–all the songs and dances–in under 2 weeks (I’m sure that the theater is not immune to the current economy either), and trying to find a job where I’m not having to deal with people who have to decide between paying their own bills and leaving me a decent tip.

My faith has taken a significant beat-down.

Well, after almost 2 weeks, the director said that this show is “blessed” and we’re in good shape to go into tech (despite my being horribly insecure about my dancing and singing in the show), I got an email about a potential job teaching a residency in schools that should last the rest of the school year, and when I got home today a check was waiting for me in my mailbox.  That’s right keeds.  Not a bill, a check.

I did a photoshoot for a local company’s sales catalog back in August and thought that somehow, in the flurry of activity and trying to keep my head above water, I had gotten paid for the shoot already.  Going through my paystubs for my own record keeping, I didn’t find the stub for this job and figured I’d lost it.  Well, that’s the check that just came in today’s mail.

So today, I exhale.  I’m not out of the woods yet… although, my parents are definitely getting their check back.  But not only am I relieved, I am disappointed in my lack of faith, these last few weeks, that everything will turn out well.  I’ve been thinking about the book of Job in the bible, where God gives permission to Satan to test Job’s faith.  And Satan puts the major hurt on Job.  I’m talkin’ killed his kids, covered him with boils kinda hurt.  Throughout that book, Job exhibits extraordinary faith and acceptance of his situation.  So Job was a better man than me.  I doubt I’ll ever have storytellers telling my epic tale, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t something to shoot for.

Wham might have had unfortunate costume choices in their videos, but that George Michael knew what he was talking about.

Shakabuku

Shakabuku–
A swift spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever. (from the movie Gross Point Blank)
A Japanese Buddhist term that means breaking/subduing, often related to liberating or awakening.

You guys may or may not know that I briefly considered joining the St. John’s Monastery. I’ve gone to Catholic schools my whole life, and when I was in 2nd grade, for my first communion I got this children’s bible that I’d read every night before I went to bed. I think at one point my parents thought I might become a priest.

Today is Ash Wednesday. I usually don’t celebrate it, but I couldn’t help but think that all the hype surrounding supertuesday and Mardi Gras might be a message from God. Tomorrow’s also the Lunar New Year… More notably known as Chinese New Year or Tet in Vietnamese. And with 2008 breezing by I can’t help but be a little bit introspective lately.

Maybe that’s what this sojourn in California was meant to be for me, an opportunity to redefine my path in life.

When I was little, we would choose something to give up during Lent. It was our Lenten Resolution, which was a symbolic gesture that was meant to teach us kids about sacrifice. It was usually giving up candy or junk food or donating a part of our allowance to charity. I don’t remember the last time I made a Lenten resolution, but this year, I think I’m gonna go old school and give up a couple of things for lent:

Fast Food
Soda
Coffee
Alcohol
Sex (which is not really sacrificing anything, this one’s more about maintaining the status quo)

I haven’t gone to church regularly since college. That’s almost 7 years. Initially, I took a step away from God because I feel like too many horrible things have been done in the name of God. But as I’ve grown up, I’ve studied some philosophy, some other religions, and learned some things. And now I’m realizing that what and how I believe is a product of my questioning and not letting myself take what other people believe on spec. Bruce Lee said, “Truth is not found in a book. Furthermore, such a book merely presents a barrier to progress in your search for truth. Independent inquiry is needed in your search for truth, not dependence on anyone else’s view or a mere book.”

There’s a story/parable that I first heard on The West Wing then later in the Pursuit of Happyness that pretty much sums up my concept of God:

A man lived by a river, one day he hears on the radio that the river was about to overflow and flood the town. The townspeople were ordered to evacuate but being a religious man he refused, saying, “I am a religious man. I pray. God loves me and God will save me.” The river started to overflow and a man in a rowboat came over and said to the religious man, “Get on board and I’ll take you to safety.” But the man replied, “I am a religious man. I pray. God loves me and God will save me.” Next, a guy in a helicopter flies by and the guy shouts down with a megaphone, “I’ll throw down a ladder and take you to safety.” But the man refuses, saying, “I’m a religious man. I pray. God loves me and God will save me.” So the man drowned. And when he got to the pearly gates, he demanded an audience with God. “Lord,” he said, “I’m a religious man, I prayed, I thought you loved me. How could you let this happen?” And God said, “I sent you a radio report, a man in a rowboat, and man in a helicopter. What the hell are you doing here?”

So here I am, at the beginning of a vision quest. I’m gonna take the next forty days and forty nights and work on getting out of my own way and having faith in the world around me. With the year of the Pig behind me and the year of the Rat on the horizon, it’ll be good to have a chance to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. And, hopefully, eventually I’ll know how to see what’s really there. Because I really believe that it’s all there in front of all of us, I just don’t know how to see it yet.