Which “Sweet Land of Liberty” is that, exactly?

There are many things that a woman like Aretha Franklin can get away with.  I mean, come on, she sang Respect.  RESPECT people! Respect.

I respect you, Ms. Franklin.  You are an innovator.  A game changer.  The music world was different before you came along and I think I speak for everyone when I say that we are all made better by the impact you’ve had on our lives through your music.

However, I would be remiss if I didn’t point out a–shall we say–lack of judgment on the part of Ms. Franklin.  During the inauguration of President Obama on Tuesday, Ms. Franklin approached the podium to sing “My Country Tis of Thee.”  She sings the first few words in a way that suggests a different “Sweet Land of Liberty” than, I believe, was intended.  I mean, is it just me?   Or rather, my roommate and me (he picked up on it too), who, mere seconds into the song, were left saying “your what?  Your WHAT?”  Well, you decide:

I’m putting you all on Time Out.

I’m not kidding.  Go to your time out chairs and think about how you’ve been behaving.  Don’t you know that there are more important things going on in the world?  Baseball players might be taking steroids!  Pink and her husband are getting a divorce!  Is nothing sacred?

I don’t care of you don’t like each other, you’re gonna have to learn to play nice.  You hear me?  I want all eyes on me.  RIGHT NOW!  Marines–Are you paying attention?  CodePink–Stop making faces.  Seriously, I mean it.  And you, Berkeley City Council–If I have to tell you one more time…  Is this a joke to you three?  Do I look like I find this funny? Britney was denied visitation!  Denied!  Visitation!

You want Freedom of Speech?  Do you?  Well, then you’ll all just have to learn to calm down and start acting your age because Free Speech means you put up with each other.  It means that you get to stand in a room and listen to each other even though you disagree to the very core.  You each get a chance to piss each other off, but you will listen to each other, be respectful, and you’re gonna like it, or so help me God, I will tan each one of your behinds.  Don’t you know that there are starving people in Des Moines?

I don’t care what the media says.  Am I the media’s mom?  If the media told you to jump off a cliff would you?  Now I want you all to apologize to each other, AND MEAN IT, and then go clean your rooms.  If not, it’s the belt or the slipper.  Your choice.