Why I might be Crazy, v2.0: She’s like a friggin’ Jedi

Oh, she’s good.  She’s continued to take and take, while giving nothing, and she’s managed to make me feel like the whole thing is my fault.  She’s like a friggin’ Jedi.

The Latest:  She asked if I consider myself single.  “Yes,” I reply, since I don’t have a girlfriend.  The follow up question was, “So if a girl asked you out on a date, you would go?”  “Sure,” I said, “depending on the girl.  If I wanted to go.”  Let’s unpack this for a second.  Societal norms in American culture dictate that in heterosexual dating, the man usually asks the woman out on a date.  I can’t remember the last time I was asked out that didn’t involve the name Sadie Hawkins.  But ok, if this mythical female asker-outer, who has somehow caught my eye, asks me out and I want to go, then yes, I’d probably go.  Hypothetically.

“Then you’re not choosing me.”

She proceeds to tell me that she’s going to accept the fact that we’ve broken up (2 months ago), and she’s going to move on.  OK, so what she wants is a guy to date her exclusively.  Back in the Philippines, we have a term for something like that.  It’s…um… BOYFRIEND.

The nail in the coffin is that I’ve been walking around for the past few days feeling guilty about hurting her.  But wait, what exactly did I do to her?  Break up with her 2 months ago?

She told me that the reason she didn’t want to talk to me, during the weeks before we broke up, was that she thought we’d fight.  And she was so busy that she didn’t have time to fight with me.  I accept that.  We had been fighting.  Our recurring fight was that I was feeling like she was putting our relationship on the back burner (because she’s so “busy”), and it’s hard enough being long distance.  I just wanted some reassurance that she still wanted to be with me because her actions were saying otherwise.  Her response to me was that she didn’t want to feel responsible for my feeling secure in our relationship and that I should figure it out for myself.  So instead of continuing to be an active part of this relationship, she chose to duck and cover.

And now that we’re broken up, I’m supposed to choose her?

This coming from the woman who told me she didn’t want to be “in a relationship,” then continued to date me for 4 more months, saying that she wanted to see where things would go between us.  She eventually told me that she loved me, and a month later hooked up with another guy while she was out of town.  But she made me feel like I didn’t understand the circumstances because she had made it clear that we weren’t TECHNICALLY boyfriend/girlfriend.

She says things like, “You think I’m a horrible person,” and “I ruined your life.”  We even had a conversation a while back about how she felt that she had projected a lot of her guilt and insecurity on me throughout our relationship.  But it all came up again in this latest conversation.  How I think she’s a “bad person.”  The only thing I could say in reply is, “If you took a look at a transcript of our conversation, you wouldn’t see the words “bad person” until right now. YOU keep saying that, not me.”

Look, I know it’s hard, but sometimes when you fuck up, the best thing to do is admit it.  Going around saying, “but look at all the times I didn’t fuck up,” doesn’t really get you anywhere.  It makes you look like you’d rather protect your ginormous ego than admit that you did something wrong once.

“I hurt you and I’m sorry” goes a long way.  A much longer distance than “I didn’t do anything wrong!  except for that one thing.”  Because, ultimately, that one thing can be pretty important.

Her unwavering defense of her out-of-town make out only served to further devalue my feelings about the situation.  Every time she said, “I haven’t done anything since we’ve been exclusive,”  just reminded me that she still thinks that I was being unfair to her by allowing her cheating tendencies (for lack of a better term) to hurt me.

And now that we’re broken up, I’m supposed to be choosing her?

The big question mark in my brain was, why is she calling me from the grocery store to have this conversation?  Did she not think that this might be something I might want to talk about?  She kept saying that she HAD to talk to me today.  She HAD to. Then she abruptly had to go because other people were depending on her for something.  Her roommates were leaving to go somewhere.

Through the magic of facebook, I found out that they were going to a party.  Ahhhhhh, so.  She HAD to talk to me?  That day?  Before the party?

OK, I’m not an idiot.  I’ve been made to feel like my imagination is overactive at times, but come on.  Is it possible that she called to get my “permission” to make out with whoever this new guy is, and he was gonna be at the party?  She’s been so wracked with guilt since the last time she went out of town and made out with some guy, that this time she wanted to get me to push her into the arms of another guy.  I can hear her rationalization right now.  “But I told you that since you weren’t choosing me that I was going to move on.”

Oh, she’s good.  She’s continued to take and take, while giving nothing, and she’s managed to make me feel like the whole thing is my fault.  She’s like a friggin’ Jedi.

Parenting, Shrimp Style

I get it.  Your kid’s a little frightened by the large fuzzy pink shrimp walking by at the mall.  For real, I get it.  If I saw a shrimp that was 10 times bigger than me, I’d definitely be looking for my mom or dad’s legs to hide behind.  But come on, Parents, wouldn’t you wanna try something else before jumping straight to saying “It’s just a guy in a costume.”  Is that supposed to be comforting?  Really?  Killing your kid’s sense of imagination and magic is comforting to you?  All this talk about maintaining kids’ innocence and here you are destroying their ability to believe just so they’ll stop crying.

Why not try to show them how not to be afraid?  They might be scared, but maybe your job in that moment is to demonstrate courage.  Comfort your kid by showing them that unfamiliar does not equal scary.  If fear is the root of hatred, then this might be one of those moments that can shape the rest of their life.

So let your kids dream.  Let them keep that sense of wonder as long as they can.  And while you’re at it, high five the big shrimp.

Sotomayor vs. White Men

“I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a White male who hasn’t lived that life.”
-Judge Sonia Sotomayor

Earlier today, amid a discussion about the President’s recent pick for The Bench, a friend of mine who happens to be white confessed his latest epiphany:

White men consider themselves the status quo.

He continued to explain that all the attention that’s been placed on Judge Sotomayor’s life experience as a Latina, and how that might have an affect on how she does her job, has done nothing more than to highlight that hers is a minority viewpoint.  And as such, shouldn’t we bring to light the underrepresented view?  Those who assert that her point of view is somehow racist are failing to recognize the history of the country they claim to love.  All things being equal, her resume should just speak for itself.  But all things are not equal.  I’m not saying that she should be given special privilege because of her ethnicity, but shouldn’t we be seeing her experience as a Latina woman as an asset rather than a liability?

The funny thing is that the fact that my friend, who’s someone I consider to be a pretty enlightened and aware dude, is just now coming to realize the attitude that many white men hold:  Their experience is the full breadth of the “American” experience and anyone with a differing experience is a deviation from the norm.  What they’re forgetting could easily be cleared up if they just took a second to empty their pants pockets:  E Pluribus Unum.  It’s our national motto.  It’s on our money.  It’s Latin, which is a dead language, I know.  So here’s the translation:  Out of Many, One.

The American Experience is based on pluralism:  Many groups, cultures, and experiences coexisting.  Each viewpoint has value.  And while some people might suggest that Judge Sotomayor’s view, being the Latina female view, can be generalized to represent the views of ALL Latinos (via affirmative action), doesn’t it say something that many of those same people actually believe that there isn’t enough of the White male view on The Bench?  Or in government in general?

I don’t presume to know what she meant by “a better conclusion” in the above quote.  But I look at it this way:  My friend, at nearly 30 years of age, is just realizing that White males believe themselves to be the cultural watermark of this society.  My experience, as a Filipino male, taught me that same lesson before I reached puberty and that has shaped how I view the world.  It has widened my perspective beyond my own privileges and taught me the value of having a seat at the table.  Having a view that considers the experience of underrepresented communities gives a voice to the millions of Americans who don’t fit into the dominant culture.  Is that “better”?  I don’t know.  But it’s a voice that’s rarely been heard.  It deserves a seat at the table.

These “Tough Economic Times”

You just can’t turn on a football game these days without hearing about “tough economic times.”  Oh, wait.  Yes you can.  And I think most of us did.  For only $2.6 million, you, too, can buy your very own 30-second spot during the Superbowl.  How much were tickets to the game?  I’d assume that most of the fans in the stands weren’t necessarily from Tampa, so that’s lodging and food, too.  I guess, in the end, it’s a question of priorities.

Andrew Wade (formerly of the Royal Shakespeare Company) came by my acting class for a few hours and we got on the topic of live theater vs. screen (big or small).  For someone who routinely begins sentences with the phrase, “In Shakespeare’s time…” I find him to be a pretty down to earth kind of cat.  He’s cool and approachable with a you-feelin’-the-knowledge-I-just-dropped-on-you-homie? demeanor, so while he’s telling us about the relative illiteracy of Shakespeare’s audience, I’m inclined to believe him.  The conversation turned to the role that the audience plays in theater (versus, say, in a movie), so he ventured into this neck of the woods [and I paraphrase]:

People think they have to be quiet.  “I paid good money to hear and see this play, not to have you gasping/weeping/otherwise reacting to it.”

“Don’t we do that in sports? And at concerts?”  I chimed in.

I don’t remember how he responded exactly, but the long and short of it was this:  People don’t get excited like that about theater anymore.

I’ve been there when there’s a few seconds left on the clock, the Vikes have marched down the field and the only thing separating them from victory or defeat is a kickers leg.  I’m on the edge of my seat.  My palms get hot.  And there’s that moment where the commentators are inevitably saying, “the crowd is on it’s feet!”  That’s drama.  In fact, a friend of mine broke his remote control during a Jets game simply by squeezing it at just such a moment.

Gov. Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota wants to phase out all government funding for the arts in the next 2 years.  This after the people of Minnesota voted overwhelmingly for a constitutional amendment raising our taxes in order to properly fund clean water, protecting the environment, and–wait for it–the arts.  So we can drop him into the “not excited” column as well, right next to “not listening to his constituency.”  I guess, in the end, it’s a question of priorities.

So while the poor are trying desperately to get the ends to, at least, vaguely recognize each other, and the rich are buying Superbowl ads, is it too much to ask for people to forget about their problems for 2 hours?  Spend the $20 bucks you set aside to numb the pain at the bar and take your girl or guy out to a show.  I can’t promise any game-winning field goals, but if you are in the right frame of mind, it’ll feel that way.

Sit The F Down and Shut The F Up

Sorry to use strong consonants.  But lemme sing you a little song about democracy.  If you choose not to participate, then the only choice you give yourself is to SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.  Cuz the rest of us showed up for the big dance.

Verse 1: The only way to know what you’re talking about is to know what you’re talking about.

Apparently there are all these Catholics up in arms about Altar Boyz.  The theater I’m working at right now has been fielding calls and doing damage control cuz some idiot WHO HASN’T SEEN THE SHOW decided that the show is sacrilegious and blasphemous and wants everybody to know it.  He got up on his high horse, wrote an email, and sent it to everyone in his address book.  Like good little lemmings, they forwarded it to everyone in their address book and we’re off to the races.  The email apparently suggests that people call the theater and express their displeasure for a show that mocks their faith.  But none of these people have seen the show.  NONE OF THESE PEOPLE HAVE SEEN THE SHOW.  So many Jesus quotes come to mind: He who is without sin cast the first stone, judge not and you will not be judged, why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye when there is a plank in your own.

See the show then you can hate it and tell your friends how terrible it is.  But until you see it, SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Verse 2: If yer gonna Rock the Vote, at least read the instructions

Ok.  Maybe some of you didn’t take the SATs.  But I remember having to take standardized tests when I was in high school… you know, the “fill in the circle” kind?  And I’m all for creative expression, but I really believe that there are better places to do it than on your ballot.

As if the Californians who asked me how things are “on the east coast” when I told them I was from Minnesota didn’t already think that we’re just a bunch or hicks and rednecks (stupid Fargo accents notwithstanding), here we go again attracting attention to ourselves IN A NEGATIVE WAY.

After all this talk about how important it is to vote and do your civic doody, why we have these idiots who not only failed to read the instructions on HOW to vote, but (in classic passive-aggressive Minnesota fashion) didn’t even have the sense to ask one of the polling place workers for help.  Granted, most elections are not this close, but seriously?  Do you really want to be the guy that gets to yell “Hey ma! ther’ showin’ my ballot on the news!”

See, you might assume that the whole Rock the Vote thing is just to get people to the polls.  There is that component, but the way that is done is by saying, “Look, this is your chance to use your voice.  This is your shot to take part in democracy.”  But for those of you out there who didn’t take it seriously (who filled in the oval for a candidate and then wrote in Lizard People on your ballot, for example), unfortunately for you, you now get to sit down and S. T. F. U. for the next few years cuz you decided to throw away your vote by indulging in your once-every-four-years attempt at humor that no one will see or find funny.

There was a viral video that went around that was a fictonal newscast reporting that John McCain won by one vote and you could input the name of the person you were sending it to as the one person who didn’t vote that day.  We all had a good laugh about that, but now, here we are and the race is too close to call.  Nearly 3 million votes cast and it’s separated by just over 100 votes.

I’m glad you showed up.  But you didn’t finish what you set out to do.  You didn’t fulfill your responsibility.  Instead you behaved like an idiot and now you only have one thing left to do:

SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.

End of song.

Gay is the new Black

Originally, I wasn’t going to throw my hat in the ring over the Gay Marriage issue.  But then I saw this online reaction to a review of my current show and it pushed me over the edge.  Remember, I’m doing a show called Altar Boyz, about a Christian boy band, which explores such egregious themes as acceptance, tolerance, and (god forbid!) faith.

Posted by a guy named Andy from Minneapolis:

Coming from a group of theater people that want gay marriage acknowledged by the church, not to mention the entire world, as a legal union…does this at all surprise you?

This is the garbage the Clean Arts Bills will continue to spew out.

First, I object to the premise that all “theater people” think alike.  Not to mention the fact that in his usage, “theater people” sounds a bit pejorative, which makes me want to kick him in the teef.  Secondly, I don’t think the Gay Marriage issue has anything to do with any specific denominations’ or churches’ acknowledgment.  My understanding of the issue is that proponents of Gay Marriage are simply asking the government to ensure that homosexuals are legally given the same rights that are afforded to us breeders.

[Let's also keep in mind that this appears as a comment on a musical theater comedy, that makes no reference to gay marriage.  The comment also cites "the Clean Arts Bills."  I can only assume he means the Clean Water, Land and Legacy Act, which ensures that Clean Water, Wildlife habitats, Parks and Trails and yes, Cultural Heritage get funding.  The Cultural Heritage component gets 1/5 of the funding.  Funding that hasn't even been generated yet, so I'm sure once it is generated, there will be plenty more of this garbage spewed out.]

Ok… so as it stands, Marriage is not currently a right.  It is a privilege that is given to those of us who identify as heterosexuals.  The argument is that marriage is described in the bible as a union between a man and a woman, but I can’t seem to find the chapter and verse on that… any takers?

Someone explain this to me like I’m a 4 year old:

A couple years ago, Britney Spears got married around new years, and stayed married for about 50-something hours.  How does that affect the sanctity of my parent’s marriage?  My possible future marriage?

How does gay marriage jeopardize a “sacred institution” that is so obviously sacred that over half of those who enter into this institution choose to end it in divorce?

My point is, as Jesus says, why do we notice the speck in another’s eye when I can’t see the plank in our own?  Worry about yourself.  My catholicism is MY catholicism.  Matt 7 says “Do not judge so that you will not be judged.”  Luke 6:37 echoes that by saying, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned.”

All this coming from a man who, less than 100 years go, could not legally marry a American woman simply because I am a distant descendant of the Malay race.  So yes, marriage has been “redefined” over the last 100 years.

As I’m writing this, facebook comes through once again with this little ditty from Keith Olbermann of MSNBC.  After watching this, I really have nothing else to say:

What about the Christian extremists?

My friend, Kate, posted this video to her Facebook account:

On a day like today, September 11th, 2008, we have come to anticipate politicians using the buzzwords “Islamic Extremists” when talking about the people who caught the nation’s attention 7 years ago.  But what is our government doing about the Christian Extremists?

One of my favorite bible passages is from the book of Matthew:

“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye”

“Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye?

“You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

For the last 7 years we’ve been beaten on or about the head with all this talk about Islamic Extremists.  They’re the ones who are a threat.  They are the enemy.  They want to hurt us and our precious American Way of Life.  What gets me is that while these politicians want to protect our American Way of Life from the Islamic Extremists, they’re also the first to tell us when they don’t approve of how we choose to live.

I’d venture to guess that when people hear the phrase “Islamic Extremist,” the word that carries more weight is the first one.  Extremism of any sort is, at very least, questionable in my mind.  But that’s not what we’re talking about here, is it?  We’re talking about Islam.  Something that sounds foreign to the Middle of the road, average, everyday, Christian American.  What we’re not seeing is that Christian Extremism is likely to be a bigger threat to our American Way of Life than Islamic Extremism.  Not necessarily in an explosive-wrapped-in-nails-and-shards-of-glass kind of way, but in the way that sneaks up on you.

For instance, forcing our schools to teach that we are all descended from a guy named Adam and a Woman named Eve and that she was created from one of his ribs.  And that they lived in a land that was called The Garden of Eden, but is very likely to have existed in a place we call Iraq now.  Taking the Bible literally, while picking and choosing what they want to quote word for word to suit their agendas.  That’s the danger that Christian Extremism brings.  Sure, the book of Leviticus says that for a man to “lie with another man as one lies with a woman” is an abomination.  But Exodus also says that I should be put to death for working my Sunday lunch shift.  After all, it is the Sabbath.  Unless you’re Jewish, then technically Saturday is the Sabbath, right?  Well, either way, somebody’s getting stoned.  And not in a good way.

It also says in the bible, TWICE I might add, that you’re not supposed to plant two types of crops next to one another.  And I’m headed straight for a smiting cuz the shirt I am wearing today is 50% Cotton and 50% Polyester and the bible clearly states that “you shall not…wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together.”

Let’s turn our bibles to the book of Deuteronomy, where it outlaws the sport of Football.  Not only will Brett Favre be burning in hell, but the new guy, Rodgers, is well on his way.  As is Tarvaris Jackson, Adrian Peterson and any other QB, Center, Runningback and Receiver because Deuteronomy CLEARLY states that touching the skin of a dead pig is considered unclean.

Have we come a long way from the days of slavery and gender inequality?  Or should we follow Exodus 21:7?  Now that’s a dilemma.  Let’s put all this lipstick on pigs talk to the side and deal with that.

So I say: leave the Islamics alone, extremist or not.  Let’s take a look at things closer to home and how many people who actually believe that creationism should be taught in our schools, or that gay marriage should be outlawed in all 50 states.  When I think about who’s really threatening my American Way of Life, I’m thankful that bombs aren’t going off here the way they are in other countries.  But that doesn’t mean that Islamic Extremists are the only people we need to worry about.

It just makes you look stupid

Dear RNC Welcoming Committee:

If I didn’t feel like you guys are making complete asses of yourselves, I’d probably join you in whatever you’re protesting.  But do you really think that you’re being heard?  I’m a self-described liberal.  I understand the spirit behind what you’re doing and I believe that it’s the responsibility of every citizen in a democracy to speak out against their government when they feel they’re being misrepresented.  As much as I’d love for you to take my hand and walk me through what I consider a rather hyperbolic mission statement, there is something else I’d like to focus on today.

On your website, under the “Who We Are” section, it says:

The RNC Welcoming Committee is an anarchist / anti-authoritarian organizing body preparing for the 2008 Republican National Convention in St. Paul, Minnesota.

And further on, you describe how you came into being:

Labor Day weekend of 2007, anarchists and anti-authoritarians from across the country gathered in the Twin Cities to develop goals and plans for the RNC 2008.

So… let me get this straight… you are an ANARCHIST/ANTI-AUTHORITARIAN ORGANIZING BODY?  Somehow that sounds just a tad… how do you say?… oxymoronic.  I mean, more power to ya for joining together to fight for the common good, but then don’t call yourselves anarchists.  And who, pray tell, is the…ahem…”leader” of this anti-authoritarian organizing body?  Somebody’s updating the website, and maybe I’m assuming too much to think that that person is being told by someone else what to put on there.

You guys have a Press Release!  So… did someone approve it or are there multiple press releases floating around out there, and this is the one that made the cut to be posted on your website?  If so, who made that decision?  Possibly the head of your anarchist/anti-authoritarian organizing body?  Or maybe the Press Secretary?  I’m sure that your anarchist organization has a very strong hierarchical infrastructure.

But you have opened my eyes, RNCWC.  Until know, I was unaware of the, apparently, many growing organizations of anarchists out there that have shown their support on your website.  So not only are you an organized group of anarchists, but your group is a member of some sort of coalition of anarchist groups.

Now, I know that it’s easy for me to be shouting an apathy soaked “NAY” across cyberspace from the comfort of my apartment, but seriously, It sounds like at least some of you are relatively intelligent people with good intentions.  I’m just saying that your message is getting drowned out by the messenger.  It’s the difference between a Paris Hilton-style tantrum because daddy won’t let her get another roll of Dolce & Gabbana toilet paper, and a thoughtful discourse about real issues that matter by those who show up to actually do something about it.

And you’re just making us liberals look stupid.

American Journalism at its finest!

Got this off Angry Asian Man…

Get it?  Her name is Lee!

You and your “Family Restaurant” can shampoo my crotch

I feel I’ve neglected to mention that I got my lip pierced about a month ago. Maybe it slipped my mind. It’s not exactly blog-worthy news, but it provides a context to this entry here, so I wanted to make sure we’re all on the same page. So. About a month ago, I got my lip pierced. Are we good now?

The higher ups at the BGSC reminded me of the rules: no visible piercings except one earring in each ear, and a small stud in the nose.

“After all, this is a family restaurant.”

So now when I go to work, I have to put a band-aid on my face to cover up the piercing. I can’t take it out yet because it is too new and will start to heal back up. So I submit to you the following story:

You’re going to your favorite restaurant. You get a table, and the server walks up. He’s got a band-aid stuck to his lower lip that suggests that maybe he has some horrible gash underneath or he’s possibly been struck with his yearly herpes outbreak. This person will be bringing you drinks, serving your food, breathing in and around your personal space, touching the things that you will be consuming. Add to that the fact that when he talks, his lips move a lot so the band-aid is starting to come loose and flap around a bit. Is that band aid gonna end up in your food? Is it gonna drip nasty bodily fluids all over your coconut shrimp?

or is it as simple and benign as he has his lip pierced and you can’t tell because there’s a farking band-aid covering it up?

The other day, I was standing with one of the female servers and I happened to have my arm around her waist. Another male server just happened to be walking up, trying to squeeze past us to put in an order at the computer behind us, so as we moved to get out of the way, one of the managers walked by and said:

“That looks really bad. The three of you standing there like that. This is a family restaurant.”

I honestly don’t know how much of that statement was in jest, and how much was serious, but it made me wonder what that phrase, “family restaurant” means.

First off, I challenge anyone to find a restaurant where the serving staff doesn’t flirt with one another. Second, I’ve had tables notice that our GM is quite touchy-feely with the female servers, and they were bothered by it enough to ask me about it.

In our increasingly paranoid attempts to behave “appropriately” for the sake of others, aren’t we just trying to be more average? And why do we do this? To instill in the minds of children that the people who are different from them are meant to be marginalized. Instead of teaching our kids that those who look different from them are still human beings that should be respected and understood, we’re demonstrating that only one kind of person should be accepted.

Are you worried that my lip piercing will have people walking out of the restaurant in disgust? Saying things like, “Can you believe that server with that piece of metal in his lip? Seeing that just ruined my whole dining experience.” And how many times have you looked at a couple walking by the lake holding hands and thought, “My god, will you look at that blatant display of affection between those two? Such behavior should be reserved for the privacy of their own home, provided they don’t have sexual intercourse out of wedlock.”

In the immortal words of Mr. Miyagi, “Walk on road, hmm? Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later get squish just like grape.”

I refuse to be average, middle of the road. Not only do I refuse it, I feel as though I am incapable of it. If my uniqueness offends you, then feel free to visit your local Family Restaurant. I hear they’re all pretty average there.