Attention Women: NEVER LEAVE THIS MESSAGE

All righty, now here’s the sitch:  My roommate had some friends over a few weeks ago, and I happened to be home.  So I met this woman, and lemme just say up front that there was no real flirting going on.  I just thought she seemed nice and, truth be told, we only talked for about 10 minutes.  So as she was leaving, she said, I think [my roommate] has my info, so you should get it from her and maybe we can hang out.

It also bears mentioning that this happened to be on the same day that my X and I had the unfortunate “You’re not choosing me” fight so I was feeling pretty salty and not in any mood to even entertain pursuing anything romantic.  But since my X had made it clear that it was time to move on (she was going to a party after all), I thought I should take this as a sign that I should move on too.  What’s the harm in getting to know this girl a little better?

So I invited this girl to come see my friends’ show.  Mind you, the show was a musical, pretty light as far as theatre goes.  It’s not like I was taking her to see Sartre.

And this is the message she left on my VM:

Hey [Wile E.] it’s _______ calling you back… um… Thanks so much for giving me a call I… um… It’s taken me a while to call you back, I’m so sorry.  I’ve been… sick with the swine flu actually this entire week and I’m just getting caught up on, um, work and school again, and so… it’s been… quite the week.  But, um… yeah tonight I have to work actually.  I am… um.  I’m a server at Buca’s so I’m gonna be going into there, uh, and… so yeah, that’s what I’ll be doing tonight so I won’t be able to come and I just wanted to let you know too, um… it was so much fun to hang out.  I, I… have to… you just, I want you to know, I was… I was really tipsy that night, and so some of the, some of what I was saying, I don’t even remember some of the things I said, but I do remember the fact that I got really excited about… plays, and, um, I do enjoy plays, but I think I got really excited [laughs].  Um, and I rarely go see ‘em, but my roommate used to take me to go see ‘em, and so um… yeah I don’t know, I don’t even know, remember everything I said, but… um…  And also, I…um… I don’t wanna be overpresumptuous or anything, but, um… for, like… um.  My, my schedule right now is just unbelievably incredibly insanely crazy busy and, um… it would be fun if you wanted, like, to come hang out with… um, like, if you wanted to for, go hang out with my friends and that kinda stuff that would be awesome… um… but I’m having this time where I’m like, I don’t even know if I have t-time to like, I, I rarely have time to even hang out with my really good friends.  Thursday was like an awesome time to get out.  But I’m balancing a couple jobs and school right now, and so, I’m sure you understand that too, So… um… yeah, if I… If, that’s kind of, I’m sorry I’m even saying this to your voicemail, but um, wanted to just be like clear with… where I’m at and I’m… um… so… Anyways, um… thanks again for the invitation and, and maybe some other time or… um, we can… yeah… get some– get something together and hang out, so all right, I’ll… I will talk to you later.  All right, bye bye.

I suppose she could have just gotten a big neon sign that read, “NO” in big pink letters, but this’ll have to do.