Be the Man You Want to Marry

I gotta give due props to Facebook cuz this isn’t a Wily original.  I was checkin’ out the ol’ news feed the other day and a friend of mine (someone who I don’t really keep up with) had this as her status.

My sister used to have one of those lists.  Several of my Xs have had one of those lists.  I get it.  It’s cool, a girl’s gotta have standards, right?  But you gotta ask yourself, if you’re demanding that you won’t even look at a guy who isn’t–

taller then you, who supports himself, will cook for you, rub your feet, watch girly movies with you, makes enough money to spoil you, knows how to dress himself, stays in shape, is spontaneous, surprises you with flowers for no reason, has a nice car, will go shopping with you, has a great sense of humor, is a free spirit, wants to travel to exotic places, loves his mom, won’t get jealous of all the guys you hang out with, will take you to a fancy dinner every once in a while, will tell you you’re beautiful and not just “hot,” won’t make a big deal over girl’s night out, has a six pack, doesn’t even look at other girls when he’s out with you, opens doors for you, will go with you to the Art Museum he hates just because you want to, will tell you he loves you even in front of his buddies, reads, keeps up on current events, is a good listener, watches all the same trashy reality shows you do, can keep up his side of a conversation and be intellectually stimulating, will hold you when you’re sad or depressed, has blond-ish hair and dark eyes, doesn’t try to fix all your problems when all you want to do is vent, has something in his life that he is passionate about, and can meet your needs in the sack,

–then what exactly do you bring to the table?  How many of your own criteria do you fit?  If you think these things are important for you to receive, as a strong independent woman, why don’t you do them for yourself?

Realistically, how often do we look at the person we’re dating and think, “What do I do for them?”

As my last relationship began to wane, she told me she wanted me to be more philosophical and mentally stimulating in our conversations on the phone.  Part of the problem was the idea of being put on the spot during what was usually a 5 or 10 minute conversation before bedtime because we live in different cities.  ”Can you do it?” I asked.  ”If I said, ’say something profound,’ could you?”  ”No,” she replied, “but that’s what I want in a partner.”  So I tried to keep track of anything halfway decent that would pop into my head through the course of the day, so I could tell her about it, hoping to meet her needs.  And when it came down to it and the long distance was starting to get to me, I asked her to help me feel more secure about things by admitting that there’s some stress in our relationship from being long distance.  ”…Do it yourself,” she responded, “why should I be responsible for whether or not you feel secure?”